Do I Look Like a Penguin, Doctor?
by LuckyBlackCat
Summary: Donna is unimpressed when the Doctor takes her ice skating. She doesn't care that they're going to an giant ice maze in Antarctica, she just wants adventure. But trouble follows the Doctor wherever he goes, so maybe she won't be disappointed after all!
1. Chapter 1

**A\N Donna is my favourite companion so I had to write a story with her in it! Partially inspired by my first time ice skating. I had some very nice friends who tried to stop me from falling over. I managed to anyway, and I could imagine Donna laughing at the Doctor doing a similar thing. I challenged myself to include that in a fic and here is that fic. The title comes from my favourite line in the first chapter. Enjoy and please review to tell me what you think. Oh, and takes place at the beginning of series 4.**

**Disclaimer: Don't be daft, I don't own Doctor Who. If I did, Donna would have a happy ending.**

My name is Donna Noble and I am travelling with the Doctor, who is an alien. If I keep saying it, maybe I can actually believe it. This is real, this is really happening. I am standing in a spaceship that is bigger on the inside. Oh. My. God.

I love travelling with the Doctor in the TARDIS. It's exciting, it's incredible, no-one could ever make it up. So when he tells me he's taking me ice skating, that's far too normal and uneventful for me. I've developed a taste for adventure and you can't really have one at an ice rink. We've got the whole wide universe, the whole of space and time and he wants to take me to an ice rink. An ice rink!

"I just want to do something _normal _for a change, Donna. And anyway, this isn't just any ice rink. It's a super duper ice _maze_ built 50 years into your future. In Antarctica."

"Do I _look_ like a penguin Doctor? Or a polar bear?"

"Well, you'd be a penguin. Polar bears don't live in the Antarctic. Funny story actually, it's something to do with the..."

_Blah, blah, blah_. He goes on and on about polar bears and temperature and even evolution is thrown in there somewhere. At least we're going somewhere a little exotic, I suppose. Antarctica is better than London. Don't get me wrong, I love London. But I can go to London any time.

He finally runs out of steam. I smile sweetly.

"That's great, Doctor. But why do you want to do something _normal_? Normal's boring. I like _weird_."

"Because I need to recover from yesterday. For once in my life I just want to go somewhere where I won't find trouble. But don't worry, I've got the perfect place we can go tomorrow. I'm sure we'll find some trouble there."

He grins as he says the last bit. I know he enjoys trouble really. It's just the consequences that get him down. Our perfect day is when nobody dies. But I want _excitement_. What's exciting about a pair of ice skates, even if I'm wearing them in Antarctica?

"I want today to be _harmless_ fun," he declares, booting up the TARDIS.

"O.K, O.K," I say, finally giving in. "Why is there an ice maze in Antarctica anyway?"

It's exactly the right thing to say to him. He lights up as he throws switches about on the TARDIS. He starts chattering happily.

"Well, you humans can always make something out of even the most hostile of environments. And Antarctica's sitting there with nothing on it, doing nothing. A great big slab of ice just waiting to be built on. And so they built the Ice Palace Maze. It's run by the Leisure Palace Company. They're only just starting out, but they'll go on to become one of the most innovative and popular companies ever. Sort of like Butlins or Centerparcs of the future."

The TARDIS jerks to life and tosses us around for a bit. If the TARDIS is alive, like the Doctor says, I bet it just throws us around for a good laugh. It can be quite fun, actually. I quite enjoy it. Adds to the whole travelling with an alien experience.

The minute it calms down, I'm off out the door. I'm in my giant winter coat again. It reminds me of the happily ever after on the Ood Sphere. In front of me is the most massive building I've ever seen. It's made of opaque black glass- very fancy. You can't see inside, but the 5 foot letters saying "ICE PALACE MAZE" give its identity. Unless you can't read.

"After you," says the Doctor.

I push open the massive black doors. I can hardly believe what's inside.


	2. Chapter 2

**A\N Chapter 2. It was fun writing this. Enjoy and review if you like it, or if you don't tell me why.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Doctor Who. **

It's a massive room, as big as my whole house back in Chiswick. There's a row of beeping monitors along one side. A bored looking woman sits at a desk, taking money for skate hire and the entrance fee. There's a young couple paying to go in. _He's_ tall and blonde and quite good looking. _She's_ absolutely stunning, the kind of girl you hate at parties because all the men are staring at her. She's blonde too, but her hair is really long and curly.

"Don't tell me we all look like _that _in the future," I mutter.

The Doctor's not listening. He's peering at all the beeping monitors, beaming like a child on Christmas day.

"Look at this! Every single person in the maze shows up on this monitor. All the ice skates have little tracking devices in them. It's so they can get everyone out safely if there's an emergency. Clever, isn't it?"

"Why don't they just teleport?" I ask.

"Teleports aren't ready for marketing yet."

"What's this one do?" I demand, pointing to a monitor that looks different to the others. There's a spiky red line edging across the screen on some sort of graph.

"Monitoring the temperature so we don't all freeze. It needs to be cool for the ice, but real Antarctic temperatures are just too cold."

I nod, fascinated. Maybe coming here wasn't a complete waste of time after all.

"Can I help you?" the bored woman shouts from the desk. She's annoyed because we're loitering about instead of paying to go in.

"Yes. Skates for two, please. U.K size 6 and size 8."

He hands over a credit card with a grin. He can put money on it just by scanning it with that annoying, fantastic, buzzing thing that is apparently a sonic screwdriver. Doesn't look like a screwdriver to me, but then the Doctor doesn't look like an alien. And don't even get me started on how the spaceship looks small and poky, but really it's massive with rooms that go on forever.

"How did you know my shoe size?" I hiss.

"Oh, easy. I just looked at your feet."

What? Probably another weird Time Lord thing. He probably walks through the streets when he's bored, looking at people's feet, and going "size 5, 4, 7,6" inside his head.

When we finally get into the maze, the Doctor remembers he can't ice skate. He remembers approximately 2 seconds after falling flat on his face. I burst out laughing. If he doesn't want me to laugh, he should try not to look so stupid.

"You've travelled all through time and space and you've never been ice skating?" I giggle.

"Yes, well, not in this body."

I wisely decide not to question this statement. I don't want to hear some weird tale, I want to concentrate on the here and now. Even if the here and now is us sliding about on the ice like idiots.

The Doctor manages to stumble over to the helpful handrail running along the side of the room. It's a long, narrow ice path. Like a corridor. It twists round and round, with alternative paths offered at regular intervals. It's a maze, all right.

"What do we get for finishing this maze? Frostbite?" I ask, snippily. I'm getting bored at the endless stream of ice. This place is almost worse than the TARDIS for endless corridors.

But then I look at the Doctor, who is still gripping the rail, and listen to his insane ice stories, and begin to enjoy whizzing down the smooth ice. And, this is going to sound really mean, but it's extremely amusing to see the Doctor, who always has an answer for everything, crashing about on the ice. Every time he thinks he's found his feet, BAM! He's straight over again.

"It's O.K, you can laugh at me," he grins. "It's not as funny as that time you were mouthing at me through the glass and then Miss. Foster turned around and..."

And he crashes to the ice with a thump and an "oof."

I laugh. The Doctor is really fun to be with, the best friend I've ever had. And suddenly he kind of stops being this mysterious alien who's so much cleverer than me. He's just a really good mate I'm out having fun with.

Everything was going so well until we found them.


	3. Chapter 3

**A\N Now for the scary bit based on a really freaky dream I had. Hopefully the Doctor and Donna are still in character. I hope this works. It's proof I have a warped imagination, anyway. Review if you have any comments.**

**Disclaimer:Obviously, I don't own Doctor Who. Maybe someone will buy it for me for Christmas...or not.**

It was the couple we saw earlier. Except the guy was crying. And the girl...

Her skin was covered in a layer of ice, making her skin look blue. Her eyes were blank and staring, her eyelashes stuck together. He was begging her to speak, shaking the ice crystals out of her long hair.

The Doctor immediately morphs into man on a mission mode. Well, alien on a mission . He's on a mission anyway.

"What's happened?" he says urgently, looking at the guy. The effect is ruined when he almost falls over.

"I...I don't know...I only left her for a couple of minutes...and then she was like this..."

He's distraught. My heart twists for him.

"Doctor, look at her! She's frozen solid! Frozen! What's wrong with her?"

"Don't know...never seen anything like it."

Oh, great. Not even the Doctor knows what's going on. On the more positive side, here's a disaster. Except now I feel guilty for wishing for it. Oh, those poor people.

"What's your name?"

"Jake. Jake Pearson," he says shakily. "And she's Samantha."

He says her name softly, a pained look on his face. The Doctor is buzzing away, kneeling on the ice next to Samantha. The screwdriver flashes blue. He's checking her over, looking in her eyes and inspecting locks of her hair. Jake doesn't look happy about this, but we're the only help he's going to get, being stuck 2 miles into a maze of ice.

"Doctor, we need to get help." I say. "We can't really do anything stuck in here...you can barely stand up!"

"I know. It's O.K, I've got my phone. I'll call the front desk. They'll get us out."

Jake looks worried. He's pulled Samantha into his arms, desperately hanging onto her. So much for not finding any trouble ice skating. The Doctor's currently doing that talking at 50 million miles per hour thing into the phone. I hear the crackle of a puzzled woman's voice. I snatch the phone, irritated.

"You need to get us out of the maze, _right now_," I say, in the voice I use to make people listen.

"Well, I'm not sure that's possible, dear," she bleats.

"You'd better _make_ it possible then. Someone's hurt and we need help! Haven't you people heard of health and safety regulations?"

"That's a very 21st century way of putting it, dear," she drones.

"Donna, look," the Doctor says quietly.

"Wait just a minute," I snap.

"No, Donna, look."

I turn round. Samantha was still sitting on the ice, unresponsive. Jake was still next to her...but he sat as motionless as she did. And then I saw a thread of frost creep over his skin. I dropped the phone with a startled clatter. The ice engulfed him in a matter of seconds. It was almost like it was a hungry beast devouring its prey.

Where there was one human icicle there are now two.

"I think I can ice skate now," mumbles the Doctor.

"Oh, well done, dumbo! Focus on what's important!"

So, now for the big question. What now?


	4. Chapter 4

A\N Um...wasn't feeling very inspired. I tried my best. This chapter tries to move things along a bit- the next one should be better.

Disclaimer: Don't own Doctor Who *sob*

We had to leave the icy couple. I feel terrible because I _broke the phone_. When I dropped it, apparently I broke some small, minuscule thingy in it (forget what the Doctor called it) and now it is well and truly knackered. Even after it's been taken to bits and sonic screwdriver-ed for a good 20 minutes. Well done, Donna.

"Now...we came from...that way."

"No, Doctor, I'm certain we came from _that_ way."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. Positive."

"I don't know..."

"Doctor! Don't you trust me?"

I skate off in my chosen direction (left), mock huffily, trying not to laugh as the Doctor wobbled after me. Trying to retrace our steps just meant we had lots of arguments about where we'd come from. To be honest, I don't think either of us could really remember, because everywhere looked the same and we'd been wandering aimlessly.

After about half an hour of this, we came across a sight that chilled my heart.

Jake and Samantha weren't the only victims of the ice. A room, a mini ice rink was down the next corridor. Four ice statues stood in it. Four more people. And we couldn't help them, because we were lost and didn't know what had happened to them.

The Doctor did the screwdriver thing again, poking the ice moulded around each person.

"What if we catch it?" I say, suddenly.

"Then hopefully we can free everyone and stop it from happening again," he answered distractedly.

"No, Doctor what if we _catch_ it? You know, become one of them?"

"_I _won't."

"What!?"

"I have just discovered this is sort of like a virus. And viruses that affect humans don't affect Time Lords. Which is good, because that means I can't catch a cold."

"I'm human. So I could catch it."

"Yes, you could."

"I was actually hoping for some reassurance. You know, something like "Don't worry Donna, you'll be fine."

He's not listening. Instead, he's pressing his ear to the ground and frowning. What now?


	5. Chapter 5

**A\N Nothing really, except enjoy. Oh, and special thanks to Paula545 and all my other reviewers as well (I'm sadly too lazy to list you all. I'm sorry, you're all fabulous anyway)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Doctor Who *cries***

The Doctor mutters, his ear against the ice. I'm surprised because he doesn't seem to feel a bit cold, even though he's practically lying on the ice. I have to crouch down to hear what he's saying.

"Contaminating the ice...I can hear it rushing along...it's..._it's laughing_! This is bad, very, very bad. It's a whole bucket full of bad. No, a sack! No, no..._a swimming pool_!"

I have no idea what he's talking about. This isn't unusual, but he's got this panicked look on his face that tells me I should find out...fast.

"Doctor, I can't hear _anything_." I say, moving to copy his pose.

"Donna, no! Don't do that! Get up, get away!"

I move quickly, because that's the voice he uses when I really should definitely do as he says. Also, unlike him, I'm pretty good on ice skates. Granddad taught me when I was little, towing me round the ice rink until I could let go of his hand and go by myself. I must have been about four...he was so proud of me then. I hope I still make him proud of me now.

My trip down memory lane is interrupted by the Doctor hurling me against the wall.

"Oi! Do you mind?" I yelled. "What are you playing at?"

"Stopping you from becoming a Samantha," he says, staring at the floor.

"You can hear it?" I ask, curious. I can't help it, it's the Doctor, he makes everyone curious. "What does it sound like?"

"Sort of like "shhhhhh...heeheehee." Moving, and giggling like...like it's heard a really great joke. Maybe I should ask what the joke is. Jokes are good."

"So it sounds like a cross between a teacher calling for quiet and a witch." I say, slowly, making sure I've understood him. With the Doctor, it is absolutely vital you make sure you're both thinking along the same lines. It's rule number 6 in the _Travelling With the Doctor_ rulebook I'm working on. Don't ask me who's going to read it. I'm just going to leave it lying round the TARDIS and hope some future friend of the Doctor's reads it so she\he doesn't have to discover these things the hard way.

"Yes. You could say that. Except there are no such things as witches and... Donna, I really think we should run now."

"From what!? I can't even see anything! And you can't run, anyway, it's ice! Also, you can't even skate, and don't think I'm stopping every five minutes to help you up, mister!"

"I think I can skate a lot better now I need to get away from something," he says, but he looks uncomfortable.

"Right then. Except where are we running to?"

"That way, NOW!"

If the Doctor's speaking clearly and concisely, you know you're in trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

**A\N The next chapter! Enjoy, and please review. Much love to all my reviewers so far. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, this would have been on telly. So I don't own it.**

So, back to those ice roads again. I'm definitely never coming here again, ever. I've seen enough of the place to last me several life times. The Doctor is a little way behind me, having managed to topple over twice. Actually, that's not that bad. Luckily, he's still close enough to yell out directions at me. Down some of the paths are frozen figures I try not to dwell on. We never go down the paths with these figures on them, but I can see them as I whizz by.

Another bend, and another, and another. On and on and on until we come to what looks like a dead end. Fantastic. I turn round.

"Doctor, it's a dead end," I pant, too tired to show my irritation.

"No it's not," he says, fumbling for his sonic screwdriver.

_Bzzt_. The wall slides away with a faint rumble. Inside is a vast room, full of complicated looking machines. Complete with whirring, flashing lights and glinting metal.

"The control room," the Doctor says, his eyes shining. "And best of all- no ice!"

He's right. The floor is ice free, and the air is pleasantly warm after the freezing conditions of the ice maze. The Doctor kicks off his ice skates, exposing his bare feet. He smiles happily.

"Doctor...isn't that a bit dangerous?"

"I've been barefoot on the moon and nothing too terrible happened. Well...I did have my blood drunk by a Plasmavore, but everything turned out alright in the end. Ask Martha."

I file this away for future reference. If he steps on something nasty, it will be his fault anyway. For someone who's supposed to be so clever, the Doctor can seem incredibly mad and daft sometimes. Don't tell him I said that. I meant it in a kind and loving way. A friend sort of loving, of course.

I go and sit by the biggest machine. Not because I'm going to deduce anything clever from it, more because my theory is that the biggest machine will be the warmest. Looks like a kind of supercomputer though, with a menu displayed on the screen. MAP...TEMP...STATS... I press the MAP option, as this seems the most useful. It's touch screen controlled, simple enough. A massive group of lines appears with a helpful "YOU ARE HERE" arrow. Aha...print! As soon as I press the button, a map flies out the front of the thing instantly. The machine hums for a second.

"What have you done, Donna?" the Doctor calls, coming over.

"Got us a map," I tell him, flashing the sheet at him. It's not like paper, it's kind of metallic.

"Brilliant," he says, moving closer so he can study it. "So there's the entrance...the exit...and we've just come from there."

I peer at the map, working it out. The Doctor's already lost interest in it, instead studying the supercomputer type thing.

"It's wirelessly linked to all the other computers. I wonder...this virus is living in the ice. If I crank up the temperature enough to melt it, then surely that solves the problem. Like this!"

I watch as he taps "TEMP" and a bar comes up. He taps it steadily until it changes from bright blue to a glowing orange.

"Done it!" he says, satisfied. "Now let's just hope it works!"


	7. Chapter 7

**A\N This is the last chapter of my story. I hope you all enjoy it and like the ending. Thank you to my reviewers once again-especially Paula545 and 123-321 who reviewed every chapter, but I do love the rest of you too, thank you very much. So, here's the ending- please, please, please enjoy! And, just randomly, how cool does the Doctor Who Easter special _Planet of the Dead_ look? I am very happy and excited! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who! So don't sue me- this was only written beacause I love the characters, I am not making money.**

"Doctor!" I gasp, pointing to the temperature bar. It's changing back to bright blue again.

"Someone's over riding me," he works out quickly, with the screwdriver. I might hide that thing one day, to see how lost he'd be without it. "Source of over ride...the entrance! Of course! There were controls there too, remember?"

"What do we do?" I ask, frantically. The Doctor sighs, and pulls his skates back on.

"Follow that map back to the entrance to see what's going on!" he says, in a way that makes it seem obvious. "It's not too far, now we know where we're going!"

Not too far, that's what he says. It seems to take us an age. The Doctor didn't fall over, which was the only good thing about the way back. It wasn't like we were moving that fast, though. I wondered what we'd find...a colossal alien made of ice, bent on making this its new kingdom? A bunch of Adipose like children, only blue? An ice queen who was really Samantha's mother and determined to get her half human daughter back? Travelling with the Doctor has given me a warped imagination, obviously.

Finally, we arrived back at the entrance room. The monitors are still beeping. But there is no one on the till hiring skates and selling tickets.

"Maybe it got her too," I mumble, looking round the room for a frozen ice cage.

"Hello, dear," says the lady who hired us the skates and also the lady we called for help. She looks different, she looks sinister. There's a steely glint in her eye- no, an _icy _glint. She's standing by the temperature monitor I was looking at earlier. I gasp.

"You!"

"I hope you had a nice time, dears. Very sorry to see you didn't get slightly colder. Never mind, we'll soon fix that!"

"NO!" the Doctor yells, lunging towards the mad, bad woman. I try and follow, but I can't. My feet are rooted to the ground. I can see the Doctor shouting furiously, waving his screwdriver at the assortment of computers. I can't hear him, why can't I hear him? Why am I so cold? Frozen. _Frozen._ It got me. I can feel the cold spreading up my body, the image of the room before me taking on a blue tint. I can't even blink anymore, I can only watch, but my vision is becoming bluer and bluer.

It stays like this for a long time that might have only been a few heartbeats but seemed like forever. But then something changes, something shifts and this time sweet, beautiful warmth flows up my body. The first thing I see is the Doctor's concerned/furious face. Then I can hear the beeping and ear piercing screeches of the old hag. Who is tied up.

"It's O.K, I tied her up with shoelaces," the Doctor says. I have a feeling this is meant to be reassuring.

"Shoelaces?" I demand, now I can actually move my lips.

"From the shoes of ice skaters," he says cheerily. "And I've called the police and the maze is defrosting. Turns out there _are _health and safety regulations- a map on each wall that lights up if you flick the right switch. Which I have. And the virus should be killed off now the ice is melting."

I smile and nod, but I'm looking at the hag. I walk over to her.

"Why?" I ask as she glares at me.

"No-one notices me!" she hisses. "I look after this place, I practically run it, but I have a rubbish salary and I have to politely serve everyone who comes in here when no-one is ever polite to _me_! For four years!"

Obviously this has driven her crazy. Literally. She is arrested for attempted mass murder. The police thank us and escort her off. A few stay to make sure everyone gets out of the Ice Palace Maze so they can shut it down. A couple of minutes later, who should we see but Jake and Samantha, hand in hand, laughing.

"Oh! Donna, Doctor!" Jake calls. "Meet Samantha! Properly this time!"

She grins. "Thanks for defrosting us! We won't forget it!" she promises, winking at the Doctor.

"You can't flirt with him when I'm standing right here!" Jake splutters, pulling her hair. It's clear he's not really angry with her.

"Aww, getting jealous hon?" she teases him. They walk out together, in a cloud of happiness.

"How sweet," I mutter.

"Aww, getting jealous hon?" the Doctor says, in a perfect imitation of Samantha. I hit him, and we head back to the TARDIS, after he moans I've probably fractured his arm, no broken and it, and what kind of thanks is that?

He doesn't know I privately thank him every day for all the brilliant things he does. Don't want him getting even more big headed, do I?


End file.
